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Post by WallyTheQuail on Aug 25, 2008 0:30:29 GMT -6
Can somebody help me figure out what I am. I have been all over the map since the age of 12. I have lots of evidence of being straight, but I have resisted being gay, and I have had sexual thoughts about almost every kind of person. I have also fantasized about a kind of person that is illegal to act upon. The whole concept of my own sexuality brings me a lot of stress, worry, and frustration. I don't exactly know where to start.
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Post by Leesha on Aug 25, 2008 0:38:55 GMT -6
Hmm, this is a tough one. I'm not exactly sure what to say as of right now.
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Post by WallyTheQuail on Aug 25, 2008 0:45:05 GMT -6
Hmm, this is a tough one. I'm not exactly sure what to say as of right now. It's okay to think about it for a while. I am not in a hurry for cheap answers. |
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Post by Leesha on Aug 25, 2008 0:47:05 GMT -6
I will help as much as I can. I will be posting my struggle soon, though mine will be in the Coming Out area. I will talk to my male friends about their struggle as well.
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Post by Tarja on Aug 25, 2008 0:57:42 GMT -6
Can somebody help me figure out what I am. I have been all over the map since the age of 12. I have lots of evidence of being straight, but I have resisted being gay, and I have had sexual thoughts about almost every kind of person. I have also fantasized about a kind of person that is illegal to act upon. The whole concept of my own sexuality brings me a lot of stress, worry, and frustration. I don't exactly know where to start. You have fantasized about someone it would be illegal to have a relationship with, so I am going to assume a relative, which would be incest. I don't see anything wrong with a fantasy, even about a relative, just as long as you don't act on it. You say you are resisting being gay. That tells me that you suspect you may be gay. If so, there is nothing wrong with that. You say you have evidence of being straight but you haven't proven that to us yet. Are you sexually attracted to the same sex? Are you attracted to both sexes? If you could provide a little more information, I'll be able to better help you.  |
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Post by Leesha on Aug 25, 2008 1:02:00 GMT -6
Yes, a little bit of detail would help a great deal.
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Post by WallyTheQuail on Aug 25, 2008 1:30:57 GMT -6
Can somebody help me figure out what I am. I have been all over the map since the age of 12. I have lots of evidence of being straight, but I have resisted being gay, and I have had sexual thoughts about almost every kind of person. I have also fantasized about a kind of person that is illegal to act upon. The whole concept of my own sexuality brings me a lot of stress, worry, and frustration. I don't exactly know where to start. Are you sexually attracted to the same sex? Are you attracted to both sexes? If you could provide a little more information, I'll be able to better help you. Part of my confusion is the fact that (not due to religious burden) I have made myself sexually inhibited toward women due to my belief (which started when I was 11) that life was better before the sexual revolution in the 1960's and 1970's, and that I had to rise above the wreckage that society had become. I was also desirous of maturity, and worked to be able to stand up to adults in my understanding of the "meaning" of love. That helped result in my half-way intentional unsung chaste rebellion. Around the age of 12-13, I became sexually aware. I was prepared for noticing girls in new, exciting ways. However, I had also become aware that I was now noticing almost everyone differently from before. Speaking only from retrospect, I had also begun liking my two cousins when I was 10. I had a crush on a girl that had been persisting since the second grade, but only now did I know what to do about it. But I had recently (although I wouldn't have been able to express it at the time, and would have probably been offended about it) started noticing a boy that was one year younger than me, as well. From then, I had liked a steady stream of boys and girls. At around 16 or 17, my desire for love and the maintenance of innocence caused me to stumble upon another avenue for attraction. I think that is enough for now. |
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Post by Alex on Aug 25, 2008 20:26:31 GMT -6
I think you're over thinking it and you should just accept who your body is naturally attracted to.
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Post by Leesha on Aug 25, 2008 22:04:03 GMT -6
Alex actually made a really good point. You shouldn't force yourself to not pay attention to these feelings. It only causes more confusion.
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Post by tresha on Aug 26, 2008 1:48:49 GMT -6
Well as the apparent "old-fogey" of the board, allow me to offer my two cents.
Please note, perhaps Leesha and Tarja can vouch for me, but I swear to you I do not mean for this to sound patronizing.
I have two step-sons, they are 19 and 14.
I've helped raise two other boys who are now 7 and 11.
My GF has three children; youngest son, 11; daughter, 13; oldest son, 14.
So I've been around a lot of kids at various stages of their life/development.
(Mostly boys, I guess, but there's always the being born girl thing for me. Anyway.)
It sounds a lot to me like you are aware of you're own sexuality and attractions that also exist.
For anybody, gay, straight, bisexual, a non-sexual friendship can contain the same components as a sexual one.
For instance:
Enjoying being in the other person's presence
Think about them when they're not here
Care about what happens to them
Want what's best for them
all of the above, I consider part of the friendships I have.
With my GF, all the same apply, but there is also a sexual attraction/desire thing there too.
You also sound like you're pretty compassionate.
It's not uncommon for someone who is in touch with feeling compassion to be aware of other people's impact on their life.
All I got for now--hope this made sense and maybe helped.
Oh yeah, I think it's pretty damn brave of you to even ask these questions of yourself, much less put yourself out there for others to see. Even in a cyber world.
Way to go!
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Post by Alex on Aug 26, 2008 14:56:38 GMT -6
You don't sound patronizing at all.  |
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Post by WallyTheQuail on Aug 27, 2008 20:23:10 GMT -6
Well as the apparent "old-fogey" of the board, allow me to offer my two cents. Please note, perhaps Leesha and Tarja can vouch for me, but I swear to you I do not mean for this to sound patronizing. I have two step-sons, they are 19 and 14. I've helped raise two other boys who are now 7 and 11. My GF has three children; youngest son, 11; daughter, 13; oldest son, 14. So I've been around a lot of kids at various stages of their life/development. (Mostly boys, I guess, but there's always the being born girl thing for me. Anyway.) It sounds a lot to me like you are aware of you're own sexuality and attractions that also exist. For anybody, gay, straight, bisexual, a non-sexual friendship can contain the same components as a sexual one. For instance: Enjoying being in the other person's presence Think about them when they're not here Care about what happens to them Want what's best for them all of the above, I consider part of the friendships I have. With my GF, all the same apply, but there is also a sexual attraction/desire thing there too. You also sound like you're pretty compassionate. It's not uncommon for someone who is in touch with feeling compassion to be aware of other people's impact on their life. All I got for now--hope this made sense and maybe helped. Oh yeah, I think it's pretty damn brave of you to even ask these questions of yourself, much less put yourself out there for others to see. Even in a cyber world. Way to go! That makes a lot of sense. I don't quite know if it clears things up for me yet, but that does make sense. |
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Nikki
Heterosexual
Posts: 31
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Post by Nikki on Aug 28, 2008 1:48:58 GMT -6
My husband went through an extremely hard time figuring out what he was.
He went through years of denying that he had any sort of attraction to men, then finally he had a long talk with Leesha and I and decided he would start admitting to his feelings and try acting on them once to see if they were just feelings or if there could be more.
Answer these questions:
1. Can you picture yourself ever acting on feelings you may have towards another man?
2. Can you see yourself trying to act on these illegal feelings, which I am guessing is incest(?) at all?
There is nothing wrong with either of these feelings. Both are actually quite normal even if you dont see yourself ACTING on them. If you see yourself acting on feelings towards another man it sounds very much like you could be bisexual.
As for the incestual (if it is incest) feelings, it is actually very common for someone to have feelings for a family member, especially if it is someone you talk to a lot and are close to. In my psych class we actually talked about how it is common for a brother and sister or sisters or brothers, and sometimes even a mother/son, father/son to start having these kinds of feelings because of the amount of time they spend together.
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Post by Tarja on Aug 28, 2008 5:05:38 GMT -6
Good questions, Nikki. Can you imagine acting on your feelings, Wally? I guess that is the most important thing. Tresha made a great post also. I hope you find some answers, and remember, we are always here if you need us. |
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Post by WallyTheQuail on Aug 28, 2008 10:48:13 GMT -6
I definitely want to act on the illegal attraction. I wish the laws and the social atmosphere were changed so that I could.
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